A TOASTY Crumb of power
As I shared yesterday, there was a time in my business where things went from hanging by a thread to IMMINENT THREAT financially. At least that's how it felt to me.
I was already eating ramen and day-old bread, so when the need for additional money came along (and a couple thousand at that), I had nowhere to cut expenses or dip into savings.
You may not know this, but
day-old bread tastes better when toasted ;)
And, due to crumb-mageddon, you can't eat toast in bed, lol. So, maybe it was just the slight change in posture, but as I was sitting at my kitchen table, eating my toast, I started to ask myself some new questions about this $2200 problem.
Questions like: What DO I have?
This was a get-real moment for me where I had to stop hiding under the covers (literally), and actually look at my options. Sigh. I had to let the drama of it all subside for a moment, and remind myself that I wasn't the first person ever to encounter a money problem.
Even though my stress was off-the-charts, and had totally derailed me for 2 weeks, I still had 3 weeks to figure this out somehow.
Another thing I happened to have was middle-class parents. And yes, they could have paid my medical bill. I had to admit that to myself and acknowledge this privilege and blessing.
The thing about it was though, that my parents' money came with thick strings. Oh, they'd pay off the bill alright, but I'd definitely have to move back in with them, and get a "real job," which would NOT include time for me to be working in my zones of excellence or genius.
The thought of ZERO time spent teaching, coaching, speaking, or leading groups?
Somehow remembering my past choices allowed me to get my first little crumb of power back - I saw the tiny glimmering thread of this whole issue being about MY DECISIONS, and I started tugging on it. All my options still sucked, but at least I had some. It was a start.
And with my new little tiny toasty crumb of power, that's when I made a decision.
THE decision, really.
I quietly said to those monstrous thoughts: "I will keep doing what I love, even if I'm living in a box on the side of the road."
It was a moment of BOTH Self-Determination AND Total Surrender.
It was a NO MATTER WHAT moment of choosing ALL IN for what was important to me, and therefore a Surrender to what may happen next.
This choice and this phrase turned out to be a shiny golden machete that I could use any time to obliterate those thoughts of "You'll never make enough money doing what you love."
It was the equivalent of saying "You can't scare me anymore, because I will NEVER give up on myself. Even if the worst thing happens, I'll still be here, working away, trying again, figuring it out, always choosing MYSELF over your stupid threats."
What thoughts are you ready to cut down to size with your golden machete of truth?
What dream are you willing to go ALL IN for?
What happened next did not actually require hard grueling work... it did require one more tough moment though, and I'll share that tomorrow.
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Hi, I'm Amanda
And I like sticky subjects!