The Squeeze of money torment

A year into my business, I was just barely making ends meet each month. I was thrilled to be living out on my own, teaching a few small classes in my little one-bedroom apartment, but I was worried about money every single day. 

I was constantly comparing the timing of my bills to when a client was going to pay - if a client didn't bring their check to class, I was screwed. 

My biggest money breakthrough at the time was the day I realized that

writing a bad check for my rent and paying the bounced-check fees was cheaper than paying the daily late-rent fees. I could buy 3-5 extra days with this method! 

Yeah. 

Wow.

Talk about an unsustainable cycle of stress-hustle-stress. 

The kicker came just after my birthday in April, when I got a bill in the mail from a medical procedure I had had years before. I had forgotten about it and had moved a few times since then, so they had finally tracked me down and were demanding payment "immediately". 

Filled with shame and guilt, I called the number. They gave me (a lecture and) their best terms - $2,200 due by the end of 5 weeks. I obediently gulped it down...
​

An EXTRA $2200 this month?? PLUS my normal bills??

Impossible. 
I would have thrown myself a party if I even had an extra $2.00 at the end of the month.

​$2200 was just not going to happen. So, I crawled into bed, and stayed there. I remember squinting my eyes tight and actually pulling my purple blanket up over my head, like a little girl hiding from a monster. 

​I found myself longing for those anxious flutters of yesterday's money worries - because now they had intensified to a constant torturous squeeze, sending me thoughts like 

"You are so irresponsible." 
"Did you really think this was going to work out?"
"You are hanging by a thread here, just give it up already"
"Told ya this business wasn't gonna actually pay the bills."
"Another failure, eh? Seeing the pattern yet?"
"You're not cut out for this, dude."

Uhg, I still remember those ugly words, clawing at me all day long. 


What happened next? 
I'll share that tomorrow, but here's a hint:  It was a get-real moment, followed by a decision.

And it changed everything I thought I knew about making money.